Dear Rihanna

Rihanna Tweets:

"#RihannaNavy I shot my first cover for Esquire yesterday with Russell James #rockstars*** Not much preparation for that besides wax+starve!!"

Fan Response:

Dear RiRi

            Thank you for your starvation tweet. I have a big event coming up and I must look my best. I have been trying to lose weight for some time now and just didn’t know where to start. The other day, I stumbled upon an article by Mayo Clinic that claimed that the trick to losing weight is through proper eating and exercise. Pehlease……! What do they know? After all, they are only experts.  I would much rather listen to my idol, a giddy- head broad whose brain cells have been stifled by the different dyes she uses on her head.

I was so excited about your tweet that I even told by mom that I would try your “die idiot” since I want to be just like you. You know what she said in response? She said that a starvation diet would ruin my chance at ever growing a big “asset” like my other idol, Kim Kardashian. I don’t care about Kim right now (rolling eyes). All I want right now is to be just like you. So tell me RiRi, how many days should I starve myself? Can I at least drink water? Or is water wayyyyy too many calories? Hey, I am just asking.

Truly

Your biggest 14 year old fan